Open Door Healing

About a month ago I walked into my local Tractor Supply and saw this footstool. I immediately fell in love with it, and wanted it. The colors were perfect for my upcoming Fall decor. As I walked around the store, picking up the items I needed, I talked myself out of it, mainly because honestly, I had no place in my house to put it. I am in Tractor Supply almost every week picking up stuff for my critters, and every week I would look at it, and still talk myself out of it. Where would I put it? Two weeks ago, at the end of Grandma Summer Camp, I did some furniture rearranging. There was a bookcase in the living room that held a basket of toys and some of the grandkid’s books and I decided I wanted to take my house back. When my 7 year old grandson asked me why I was moving it, I did tell him, “I’m taking my house back.” He questioned, “What does that mean?” I replied, “That means all toys and books belong in your and your sister’s room. His room does look better with the bookcase in it, and it is also holding all the boardgames he likes to play. We also did a little rearranging in my granddaughter’s room and I like how it turned out. They will be spending a lot less time with me than before. After the rearranging, there was a perfect spot for the footstool. Last Monday, my friend and I met up for lunch and I told her I was heading to Tractor Supply afterwards, and she asked if she could tag along. She used to have a horse, and missed going into Tractor Supply and smelling all the good smells. You know, feed, hay, oil, all the smells that come with owning critters. I had told her about the footstool. I had told myself if it was still there, I would go ahead and buy it as I now had a space for it. When I showed it to her, I no longer had that feeling of wanting it. Just because I had space for it, did I need one more thing? Then she asked me what had attracted me to it in the first place, and after thinking about it for a moment, it reminded me of the pattern on my grandma’s couch that I spent many,many hours on with her. Ah, that’s it. It reminded me of my grandma. This seems to be a pattern as of late. Dissecting what am I feeling, and why am I feeling it? And not just about footstools, but also responses I am giving, thoughts I am having towards situations. Continuing to peel away those layers to find me the real me. I saw a post the other day that said something to effect of, “But what if I get down to the real me, and I don’t like her?” That’s something also to sit with. Or maybe why did I feel that I had to hide her? Continuing the journey. Blessings.