Open Door Healing

I don’t want there to be. I seem to be a lot less tolerant of little remarks or answers that smack of digs or irritation as of lately. Like, if I ask a question, please do not answer with, “What do you want to do?” or like this morning when my son, who’s 37, got into my car and commented there was a lot of stuff in it. I told his to shut up, it was my car. I cannot remember the last time I told someone to shut up, let alone my son. While Hubby, my son and I were at brunch waiting for our food, Hubby and son were talking and I heard it, the edge in Hubby’s voice. Ah, that’s it. I’ve picked up his edge. His unhappiness of what to do with his life now that he is retired. I also have some big changes that are happening, such as full time grandma duties being reduced, which is a good thing, it’s what I want, I’ve been watching my grandson since he was 6 weeks until he started school, he is 7 now, and my granddaughter from 6 months until she went to school, she is now 5, and we did just get through Grandma Summer Camp, but it’s a change, and whether change is good or bad, or you want it or not, there are adjustments that need to be made. I am in that adjustment period of “what is next?”. I redid both grandkids rooms, donated some items they no longer played with, and I have been working on my office this past week. I also donated 3 bags of stuff I no longer need or use. When we got our kittens in January, I put them in the office, their food, kitty litter box and at night it is where I kept them locked up. Recently I have moved their food to the kitchen and they are allowed to roam about now at night. They also spend a good time of the day outside, I bring them in if I am going to be gone for the day, and now that they have free rein of the house, maybe they won’t be so inclined to knock things off of my desk. That remains to be seen. So, back to the edge. Maybe I am being too hard on myself. Besides personal stuff going on, there is also a lot of stuff going on in the world, and it can’t help but affect me, even if I do my best to stay sheltered from it. Maybe it’s enough that I am recognizing the edge when it happens, how I feel before I reply in a razor edged voice, and maybe, just maybe, I can take that one little pause, that one little breath, before I react, and decide how to respond if at all. Not everything needs a response. Sometimes silence says more than any amount of words can say. What is the edge trying to tell me/teach me? I am smiling a little because as I was writing this, I glanced to my dry erase board and one of my 2026 goals on it says, “Be kinder to my myself!” How can you be kind to yourself today? Blessings.