Open Door Healing

When I was at my mom’s on Thursday, she mentioned that she wanted to photo copy the front of my step-dad’s Navy Veteran’s hat and clip it on the front of her walker. She had been clipping the hat in front, but it kept coming off. I replied that the photo copy probably would not stay either and it would be rather tacky. I ordered her a Navy patch to put on the walker. Ok, first I suggested that we cut the patch off of the hat. She was horrified.

“No! I want to keep the hat!

“Why?”

“Well, I might wear it when I go outside to protect me from the sun.”

“You are really going to wear that hat? Your not the veteran and I know you have prettier hats that you could wear.”

She just couldn’t do it. So, I ordered her a US Navy iron on patch that we can either iron on, glue on or I might try some Velcro strips that I have on hand. Either way, she will have something on her walker that says Navy. It is not like anyone where she lives doesn’t know my step-dad was in the Navy. It is a retirement center for military officers. She likes to overdo things. I can’t even begin starting to count how many American flags or pictures of American flags she has. Like she has to have them to show everybody how “patriotic” she is. Just like the 50+ crucifixes she has hanging in her apartment. To show how “Catholic” she is. It’s overkill. But, it is her identity, what she clings to. I first have to ask myself, why does it bother me? It’s her place. Any maybe that is what bothers me, is that she is secure in her identity, I used to call it her box. Safe in all the rules, regulations. It makes sense that she would cling to the Catholic faith and the military, because, well, rules is what they are really good at. And please don’t get me wrong, if that’s your gig, you be you boo. I can’t. I once had a friend who channeled and he would always start out, “There are 2 rules, rule #1- There are no rules, rule #2- See #1. I’ve always felt we/I have been making it up as we go along. Doesn’t leave much room for security when there are no rules. I understand we need them, red light means stop, green light means go, although as of lately, red lights seem to be a suggestion for a lot of people. That begs the question though, when are there too many rules? And how do they affect our identity? Yes, I am a person who stops at red lights and waits for the green one before I go. Yes, I stop at Stop signs. Yes, I pay my taxes. Etc. etc. But where do the rules stop and I begin? Ah good question. And so I go back to my original thought of this blog, what am I clinging to that shapes my identity? Am I willing to release whatever it is? To become who I really am? And that is the bigger question, Who am I? And down the rabbit hole she goes. Blessings.