Open Door Healing

Yesterday was a day to say the least. The grandkids were at the kitchen table, doing their schoolwork, being a little more hyper than usual, and I had this feeling of finality come over me. I couldn’t shake it. Tears started rolling down my cheeks and I excused myself from the table so I could get my emotions under control. My granddaughter came in and asked if GPaw had died. I told her no, not that I knew, and then went back to the kitchen table. We were already set to have lunch with my mom, and I asked the grandkids if they wanted to see GPaw also. He is in the same facility as my mom, she is in assisted living and he is in healthcare. They said yes. At my mom’s we had lunch, and then the kids played; Cora was coloring and handed my mom a coloring book and asked if she wanted to color. She said yes as long it was easy page. I found an easy mandala for her, and she colored with the grandkids. She hasn’t colored in quite a long time, so I was very grateful to see her do so. I had made her favorite peanut butter cookies for her, a recipe from her childhood from a recipe book that was given to her by the repairman when my grandma bought a new stove. The cookbook is super old and in pieces. Mom asked me if she had called me the day before and I responded, no, she hadn’t. Then she started laughing, because she said she was going to call me to see if I still had the recipe, because the other day they had peanut butter cookies at lunch and they were horrible and she wanted to give the cooks there her recipe. Then we both started laughing, first, that just out of the blue I decided to make her cookies, which I hadn’t done in a couple of years, and also that the cooks would not change their recipe. When it was time for us to leave, she followed us to my car, and then started crying because we were leaving. I would normally just see her the next Tuesday with the grandkids, but I told her I would come back on Thursday to check in on her. We then went to see my step-dad; GPaw. He is in full blown Alzheimer’s. Usually he will be asleep in his wheelchair or recliner, hear my voice and I will see a little glimmer of recognition of who I am in his eyes before he goes back into his slumber state. Yesterday he was really animated, talking about how he had a big place in Los Angeles county and we could visit anytime we wanted. As far as I know, he’s never had any property in California, we lived there while he was in the Navy, but never owned anything, only rented. He introduced himself and shook my hand. He had no clue who I was. I tried to see if he recognized the grandkids, maybe thinking they were my kids. When I asked him if he knew Cora, he answered, “Oh we didn’t really have much to do with womenfolk, we just let them do their thing.” Ok. And then he kept talking about my grandad, and he would start laughing to himself, like there was an inside joke, and kept saying, “Your grandad, he was quite a guy.” I did not know any of my grandfathers, they had all died before I came around. When we were getting ready to leave, he tried to get out of his wheelchair to “show us out”, but he really can’t walk by himself, so I asked the grandkids to talk with him while I went to a nurse to make sure he didn’t try to follow us. I didn’t think it would hit me as hard as it did that he hadn’t a clue who I was. I was trying to figure out why he was so animated, then remembered the doctor had upped his thyroid medicine, so that could be the reason. He is definately in his own little world. The grandkids were so good, with both my mom and step-dad so I told them I would take them to ice cream before I dropped them off at the other grandparent’s house. When I got home, I was emotionally spent, so took a good hour nap. I am so very grateful I have my grandkids to help balance out the emotions of dealing with my mom and step-dad’s illnesses. My grandkids are so vibrant, so full of questions, always trying something new, and my parents, well, either in never never land, or stuck in the past. Balance is the key they say. I’m doing my best! Blessings.