Open Door Healing

Yesterday I had a Reiki session with my friend Sarah. When she asked what we were working on, I replied, “I need to calm my nervous system down.” And we did. I drifted off somewhere during the session, something I hadn’t done with her before. I felt safe enough to relax and release. Release what? The feeling that I am the one who has to hold “it” all together, whatever “it” is. Sarah is going through a somewhat similiar journey with her mother, she has Parkinson’s. So a little different than Alzheimer’s, but still a huge challenge, especially when her mother wants to do it “her way”. Sarah is really good at honoring her mother’s wishes, even though she knows or thinks there are safer ways to do things. I feel her pain. I am doing my best to be a little more like Sarah, allowing my mother to go through her journey without interference. Sounds easy, but not really to someone who thinks they have to hold “it” all together. And where did I get such an idea? I guess that will be my focus this week, to release that belief. When Sarah asked me that question, I answered, “Because if I don’t do it, it will not get done.” Her reply? “And what happens if it doesn’t get done?” The world will fall apart. Has my world ever fallen apart? Pieces maybe, and what if it does fall apart? What new will come in? I am getting that feeling of when I stayed at a job too long, out of fear mostly, and when I did finally walk away, the relief I felt, and looking back, and realizing how bad the situation really had been, and wondering why I stayed so long, and vowing to myself to never let it happen again, right. So, I am no longer working in the muggle world, but I am seeing the same pattern emerge, “I must do this because if I don’t, I don’t know what will happen.”, or I do know, and I don’t want it to. Ah, there it is, “I don’t want it to happen.” But what if in my doing, I am prolonging the inevitable? And all that worry and action was for naught? Ah, second guessing myself again. Deep breath. Taking a lot of those lately. Sarah also gave me a couple of good ideas, to have an overnight bag ready, so if I do get a call, I can grab and go. And then when the invetiable happens, to light a candle for safe passage for my mom. These are physical things I can do to ready myself without interfering. These are things I can do for my peace of mind. Blessings.

P.S.- As I was finishing this up, my mom called. She asked me if I had been to her place lately. I told her I was there last Tuesday with the grandkids. I asked her what was up. She said she thinks somebody has been in her laundry closet and taken something. I asked her what was missing, she said she didn’t know, but she knew something was. I reminded her that I put both bags of cat food in her plastic container on Tuesday, so that is why it might look a little bare and also that a few weeks ago we had gone through that closet and she had given me quite a few cleaning supplies and we had also put some things in other drawers. She just said it looked really bare. Which, I can tell you it is not, but because there are a not a jillion things stashed in there, it does to her. I told her if she could remember what might be missing, I could probably tell her what we did with it. I just read an article on Substack about the 2nd stage of dementia, and we are definately there, have been for awhile. No telling how long we will be here. What was different is how I was after I got off the phone with her. Not rattled. Not upset. Just another story. Take a deep breath Shannon and light a candle.