Open Door Healing

Fourth time to rewrite this blog today. And I didn’t know why, until I started FB scrolling and saw this line from one of my dear friends: “Back to living from what is true today, rather than what once felt necessary.” I have felt it neccessary to “take” care of my mom. Mind you, if you have been reading my blogs, you are aware she is in assisted living, and her daily needs are being met. I was the supplement care. And as her health has declined, so has mine, mentally, emotionally and physically. The enormous pressure that I have put on myself in that it was required of me to take over her emotional and mental care has definately taken its toll. And then there is the pressure of, if I don’t take care of her and show an example, what will my children think of me and will they take care of me? I have already told them I would not be a burden to them. So yes, I felt it was necessary to do what I could for my mother, but why? She did not do this for me. Ah, there it is. The resentment. The anger. At her. For putting my brother and I into positions as children that we had no way to escape from. She did it for her safety. Not ours. The situations did play a big part in how I raised my children. Different. I was there for them, still am. Not in meddling way, but for support if needed. So, today is a freedom day. I am releasing myself from what I once thought was necessary. I have worked so hard in breaking the chains of caring what others think of me, but I guess I’m still working on the family stuff. It is not that I am abandoning my mother, I am going to still be around, just not in a hovering, what can I do to make it better, how can I save you way. It is better for her and better for me. Blessings.