Open Door Healing

I’m not journaling anymore. Well, at least in my somewhat daily journal book. My friend Marcia, who lives in New York, and I would zoom most weekday mornings from 8-8:30 am. It was the perfect way to start off my day. She came up with 95% of the journaling prompts, we would write for 10 minutes, she would pull Oracle cards and then we would talk about our lives and what was happening. Our lives parallel quite a bit, we’ve both been married to the our same partners for 40+ years, my step dad, 96, is in healthcare with late stage Alzheimer’s, and my mother, 83, has dementia and onset Alzheimer’s, her mother, who is 93, has dementia, so we would relate the experiences we were going through, comparing notes, finding out what worked, what didn’t or just vent. We have been doing this for over 3 years, and I was able to fill most of the journals that I had bought over time. I love new journals, usually write in the first 3 pages and then life would take over and the new journal would end up in a drawer with the other ones that were barely written in. I was going through my desk stuff this morning and saw my “Marcia” journal. I knew I didn’t have very many pages left in, so checked, there was only one and then it really surprised me that we hadn’t journaled/zoomed since May 15th. Her step-dad had developed a sepsis infection on his leg, so her life got busy with doing dressings twice a day and taking him to doctor’s appointments, and then he unexpectedly passed away. She is now the sole caregiver for her mother as she is the only one who lives in town. Her mother lives across the street from her. I can’t imagine. I am so very grateful that both my parents made plans for their later days and are being taken care of medically. I myself have made my own plans for the future,and I can tell you, they do not involve assisted living or healthcare. So, yes, it is true, I am not journaling in my book anymore, but I am certainly being more consistant with my WordPress and Substack accounts in writing. This writing is different. The prompts are my life, and what is happening right now and or memories that come up either to be remembered or to be healed and released. And maybe that is just what I need right now. Writing it down is cathartic. Helps me to not hold on so much. Which is another subject that is weighing on my mind. Throughout my life I have had many friends, where we were super close, some I talked to every day, some I met with once a month, and then something would happen, and friends would scatter- move out town, move onto something different. It is happening again. I have to trust to the Universe that it knows what it is doing. I know some big changes are coming soon, albeit, I don’t know exactly what they are, but I have the feeling that the Universe is clearing space for what’s next. Whatever that is. As I had written about in a previous post, that space inbetween. I am learning to be comfortable in it. To not fear it. To allow whatever comes next, and hopefull with more grace than I have done before. As the Borg said, “resistance is futile.” Or is it? And what exactly am I resisting? Life itself? Another rabbit hole that as one of my dear friends always says, “I don’t have the bandwidth for this.” At least not today. Blessings.