Open Door Healing

I used to say “Yes” to keep the peace, or because I was afraid of getting into trouble. Then menopause came, and “No, but HELL NO!” became my favorite phrase. I’ve softened much in the last few years. I’ve had too. Going through this Alzheimer’s illness with my mother has made me realize most things do not really matter getting upset about. I realized this yesterday as Hubby and I were doing some yard work, and I had my idea about how I wanted it done, and he had his. When he mentioned his, I felt my hackles rise for a moment, took a deep breath and let him do his thing. Honestly, it didn’t really matter how what we were doing was done, and I went with the flow. I am trying to do that more often. And again, it is not about keeping the peace, or that I might do something wrong, it is more like, sure, let’s do it your way. I am finding I am able to do this with my mother more often now. I suggest something that would make her life easier, and she resists and I say, “Ok, no problem.” Whereas before I would try to make her see my way, and how much better it was. I had brunch with a dear friend the other day and was relaying my frustrations about some of things with my mom and she replied, “She is on a different timeline.” That really hit me. She is. Her world is mixed up now. When I was over at her place on Tuesday, I noticed her bag of clean washcloths was still on her bed, ready to be put away. She usually puts them right away when housekeeping brings it back from being washed. When I was there yesterday (Thursday), it had been moved to the bathroom counter, still in the bag. She mentioned to me three times that she had come back from breakfast, sat down and fell asleep in her rocking chair and woke up just before lunch. The third time she told me, she said housekeeping had brought her washcloths in and she didn’t even wake up. They hadn’t. The washcloths were from Tuesday. I didn’t say anything, what would have been the point? I hate this disease, what it is doing to her, what it is doing to me. Maybe I should be grateful for it, it is softening me, and as I soften with her, I do so with other family members and situations. So, yes, my “Yes” is different, it is a soft, flow, letting go yes. Don’t give me wrong, I still have plenty of “No’s” left in me, but they are more the “pick your battles” and “do you want to be right or do you want to be happy” no’s. Blessings.