Open Door Healing

This morning I opened up the drawer beneath my coffee maker to pull out a coffee scoop, and I saw my cat, Jasmine’s, whipped cream bowls. I had to put Jasmine down this past March, she was 16 and her cancer had finally gotten the better of her. I started giving her whipped cream in the mornings when we had another cat, Mitten, who was older, and not eating and it was a way for me to get him to eat something, so every morning when I topped my coffee with whipped cream, both Mitten and Jasmine would have some. It was only one of 2 things she ever begged for, whipped cream and rotisserie chicken from the grocery store. When I saw the bowls, my eyes immediately started stinging with tears. I carried those tears with me to my desk, and then my kitten Shadow walked across my desk and put his back paw in my coffee. I started laughing. Of course he was shaking his paw and there was now coffee all over my desk, but I appreciated the fact that he brought me back to the now. As if to say, “I’m here, focus on me.” I cleaned up the mess, and then went to journal in a gratitude journal that I bought for myself to write about my mother. I am trying to write something everyday that I appreciate about her or a good memory, a way to help offset the sadness of her slowly slipping away with Alzheimer’s. This morning I just couldn’t think of anything, even after going through some old photos, so I wrote about Jasmine’s bowls and Shadow’s coffee incident, which brought me to the conclusuion that when I am with her, I need to focus on the now. Not what has been, nor what will never be. I am slowly changing my attitude and perspective on this situation, as one of a blessing instead of a burden. I’ve had several family members die in their sleep, never having the chance to say goodbye and one brother die rather slowly and painfully from cancer. I am being given a gift here to spend time with my mother, to appreciate the gifts she has passed onto me, and be in the presence of someone who has chosen this path of leaving this physical world. Blessings.